Oh
yeah!!!
Written
by
Hunter
(Greetings, fellow readers. I’m almost sure you know some advertising characters, like the Hamburglar, the Burger King, or the Noid. But what would happen if one of these troublesome fellows entered in your life, like a dog in a bowling game?
This experience, our unfortunate heroes will live it soon.
Stay and see how, in a plot of their nefarious nemesis, the Seven Mercenaries leave the territories of sanity to land right into ... the Twilight Zone.)
*spooky Twilight Zone music*
(The story begins as one of our friends, Hunter, walks into a shop. Little did he know this small event would later lead him into madness...)
Store Door: *plays a TV-game jingle*
Clerk #1: Congratulations, sir! You’re our millionth customer!
Hunter
(civilian
clothes):
Really?
...
Wow.Clerk #2: *hands Hunter a pack of bottles* Please accept this as a token of our gratitude!
Hunter
(civilian
clothes):
Err ...
Thanks ...
*slowly
walks back
and leaves
the store*
... (This
is the
last time
I come in
this
bank.)Clerk #2: You think this will work?
Clerk #1: (removes his mask to show...)
Riff:
Of course!
Thanks to
Karasû’s
magic, we
put a
dangerous
spell on
this
drink.
Warp
Man:
(removes
his mask)
I still
stand we
shouldn’t
have
invoked
“IT”. The
doctor
will get
mad...Riff:
Impossible,
for this
time,
we’ll
win!(Back to the Marauder)
Falling
Star:
You sure
came back
early,
Hunter.
Hunter:
Yeah, some
weirdos.
Anyways,
*opens the
pack* who
wants a
drink?
All
the Mercs:
Me!!!(In some other place, staring through a crystal ball...)
Staccato:
I hereby
stand to
mine
point: tis
plan is
nothing
but
trouble.
Lento:
Unit Lento
doesn’t
understand
how drink
will
destroy
puny
Mercs’
minds.
Karasû:
Be
patient,
my
friends!
Soon,
they’ll be
driven
into
insanity
and...(A loud clang is heard)
Karasû:
...
despair.
Your turn,
Warpman.Warp
Man:
Okay.
*grumbles*
stupid
Wily ...
making us
work in
the
castle’s
power
plant...
*puts an
E-Bar in
the
machinery*(Anyways, let’s head back to the Marauder, and see what this new evil plot is...)
Kayorei:
That drink
sure is
good.Stardust:
And it
comes in
all
flavors!
Iga:
One thing
still
troubles
me...Naoshi:
Yeah?Iga:
The
bottles’
names.
They’re
hidden.Shinobu:
Let’s see
this ...
*removes
the
tapeband*
... oh.
It’s just
plain
Kool-Aid.?: *crashes through the kitchen’s wall* OH YEAH!!!!!
Hunter:
What the
hell is
this??: Why, I’m the Kool-Aid Man!
Naoshi:
... I’m
pretty
sure there
was
something
strange in
this
drinks.Shinobu:
He ... he
... that
pitcher-shaped
freak just
destroyed
our MOTHERFRAGGIN’
WALL!!!!!
Kool-Aid
Man:
Well,
y’see, I
kinda do
this for a
job.
Sorry.Hunter:
This
doesn’t
pardon
all. It
was our
kitchen’s
wall.Stardust:
And a
beautiful
one, with
that.Kool-Aid
Man:
(I
have no
money at
all!) ...
*points in
front of
him* Oh!
Look! A
dead
seagull!The
Mercs
(looking):
Where?
Where?Naoshi
(turns
back):
What the
...? That
slagger
left!Kayorei:
That sure
was a
master
trickster.Hunter:
Okay
people, I
make it
official.
Tomorrow,
we’ll
settle in
France.Iga:
Why?Hunter:
At least,
there
weren’t
any giant
glass
monsters
crashing
through my
wall back
then.
Giant
scorpions,
maybe,
mutants of
course,
but no
cherry-flavored
drinks.(Back to the castle...)
Riff:
Yes! It
works!Lento:
Unit
intrigued.
One wall
destroyed
equals
victory?Warp
Man: I
agree with
Big One.
What’s the
point of
this?Karasû:
Just wait,
my
friends.Staccato
(tracting
a small
chariot):
Here lies
thine
popcorn
and
sweets.Fatal
Five:
Yeah!!!(In the Marauder, a crisis committee took place. Well, we can’t say it’s much of a comittee...)
Kayorei:
Alright,
Naoshi!
One more
shot and
it’s
done!Naoshi
(using his
spear as a
soldering
iron):
This isn’t
the kind
of work I
signed
for.Shinobu:
Just to
know ...
why are we
repairing
the wall,
when we
could stop
that
advertising
horror?Hunter:
I can’t
stand
watching
TV when
people are
peeping
from the
kitchen.The
Mercs:
...Naoshi:
Okay, it’s
done!Stardust:
Wanna
drink
something?
(opens the
fridge) We
have
Energon
Soda,
orange
juice,
Kool-Aid...Kool-Aid
Man:
(destroys
the
kitchen’s
wall and
the
fridge)
OOHH
YEAAH!!!!!Shinobu:
You
again!?Kool-Aid
Man:
Why, you
kids are
thirsty
today!
What you
wanna
drink?
Grape?
Strawberry?
Or...Iga
(wielding
his staff
like a
golf
club):
You.
Out.Kool-Aid
Man:
All right!
Just ...
could you
show me
the way to
the
bathroom?
I need to
brush my
hair.Falling
Star:
But ...
you’re a
giant
pitcher!Kool-Aid
Man:
And what’s
your
point?Falling
Star:
... Forget
it.Shinobu:
Come with
me, sir.
I’ll show
you.(In the corridors)
Kool-Aid
Man:
Strange
... we’re
going to
the
departure
hall. This
isn’t the
way to ...
*KZANG*Shinobu
(a Screw
Crusher in
his
hand):
This is
for our
wall! And
(puts the
remains in
a small
rocket)
Get out!
(lanches
the rocket
in outer
space)Shinobu:
Aaah. One
good thing
done.
Though, I
could go
with some
Kool-Aid...Kool-Aid
Man:
(crushes a
wall)
OOHH
YEAAH!!!!!Shinobu:
But ...
but ...
*runs away
screaming*
YEAAARGH!!!Kool-Aid
Man:
Whatta
strange
fellow, I
say.
(heads to
the
bathroom).(In the Mission Room, the situation is critical ... Well, it should be.)
Stardust:
*stares at
Kayorei*Iga:
*stares at
Naoshi*Falling
Star:
*stares at
Iga*Hunter:
Okay. So,
I accuse
the
Colonel
Mustard,
in the
kitchen,
with the
knive.Kayorei:
*looks at
the cards*
You won,
Hunter.Hunter:
Sweet!
Wanna play
Clue
again?Naoshi:
Nah. We
should do
something
for that
giant
pitcher
thing.Shinobu:
*comes in
running*
He’s
*huff*
still
there
*huff*,
even after
I *huff*
threw him
*huff* in
space.Iga:
You mean
...
he?Stardust:
Oh. The
Kool-Aid
Man.Kool-Aid
Man
(crushes a
wall):
OOHH
YEAAH!!!!!Shinobu:
Just ...
die!
*blasts
the
Kool-Aid
Man*Falling
Star:
You have
some anger
management
issues, I
guess.Hunter:
and now,
there’s
Kool-Aid
all over
the
place.Kool-Aid
Man
(crushes a
wall):
OOHH
YEAAH!!!!!Iga:
But ... he
just got
destroyed
...Kool-aid
Man:
Heh.
I’m that
strong.Kayorei:
Run
away!(As the Mercs leave the ship, certain characters watch the scene, delighted.)
Karasû:
Man, it’s
the
awesomest
thing I’ve
ever
seen.Warp
Man:
That
monster
will
follow
them
wherever
they go.
Now, what
chance do
they
have?Staccato:
Look! Now,
the true
hunt
begins!(As a matter of fact, the Mercs hid themselves in an abandoned Wily Fortress.)
Shinobu:
Are you
SURE he
won’t find
us
here?Hunter:
Relax!
This base
has
everything:
spikes,
unending
pits of
doom, lava
rivers,
robo-sharks
with laser
beams...Naoshi:
Wily never
had the
latter.Iga:
You hide
us
something,
pal.Hunter:
... Okay.
I’m
currently
transforming
this
castle
into
an extra
fortress
for us, in
case
something
goes wrong
with the
Marauder.
No one
will find
us
here!Falling
Star:
If you say
so. Do I
bring you
the
drinks?The
Mercs:
Sure!Falling
Star:
(opening
the
fridge)
... Oh no.
What
drinks did
you bring
here,
Hunter?Hunter:
I’m pretty
sure I
took of
all sorts,
but it
seems that
... there
is ...
only
...Shinobu:
Dontsayitdontsayitdontsayit!!!!!Hunter:
(didn’t
hear)
Kool-Aid.Shinobu:
Nooooo...Kool-Aid
Man
(crushes a
wall):
OOHH
YEAAH!!!!!Shinobu:
...oooooo!!!!!Kool-Aid
Man:
Why,
that’s a
nice base
you
have.Hunter:
(snaps)
Okay, you
freak!
You’ll go
down ...
for
good!(By pressing a small button on the wall, Hunter opened a panel with a big red button)
Naoshi:
Uh-oh.Iga:
Run
away!Hunter:
Self-destruct
activated
... now!
(pushes
the
button)KABLOOOEYYYY!!!!!
(Is this it? Did the Mercs truly die to the Kool-Aid Man?)
Riff:
Yeah! We
won!Warp
Man:
High
five!(As the Fatal Five cheered and rejoiced, a trail tracted by a known face comes in)
Metal
Man:
Oy,
people!
Wanna
drink
something?Lento:
What does
Metal Man
have to
drink?Metal
Man:
Well,
there’s
tea, soda,
Kool-Riff:
Stop!Staccato:
Hammer
Time!
*punches
Naoshi
with a
hammer
before he
ends the
dreaded
word*Riff:
Pheeew.
That was
close.Lento:
*scratches
head*
Strange.
Why unit
Metal Man
could not
say
Kool-Aid?Kool-Aid
Man
(crushes a
wall):
OOHH
YEAAH!!!!!Karasû:
Oh
sh-(You know what happened when a giant pitcher launched at high speed does when it runs into a generator? It really hurts.)
KABLOOOEYYYY!!!!!
Warp
Man:
(from
under the
wreckage)
Damn. We
were so
close.Riff:
At least
we
destroyed
the Mercs.
We
shouldn’t
be
punished
too much
for this,
right?(I’m afraid you’re wrong, people.)
Ben
(Heat
Man):
I hate two
things
when I
wake up:
no lights
in my
room, and
the whole
castle
smelling
of
synthetic
cherry.
*cracks
knuckles*
It’s
“punish
the Fatal
Five”
day!Karasû:
Mommy.Metal
Man:
At
least, I’m
not much
hu- (a
huge
debris
falls on
his head,
smashing
him good)
...
Ouchies.(So, what happened at the Merc’s hide? Let’s see now!)
...
(They’re nowhere to be seen! Let’s try the Marauder, maybe)
Kayorei
(drinking
tea):
Whew. That
was a
thrilling
experience.Stardust:
I’m sure
glad there
was an
emergency
teleport
in that
auto-destruction
protocol.Hunter:
Heheh ...
Forgot it
in the
moment.
So, who
wants
Kool-Aid?
...
Oops....
Iga:
Nothing?Shinobu:
Hurray!
It’s over
–
finished!Naoshi:
It’s a bit
illogical.
I mean, he
got
smashed in
pieces and
thrown in
space, but
didn’t
survive a
building
collapse?Stardust:
Bah! As
long as he
doesn’t
bother us
anymore,
I’m
good.(And with these final words end our travel to the edge of insanity. Sure, you may think that the Mercs sure recovered fast, but keep in mind that, even if they don’t display it, their minds will be scarred forever by that travel into ... the Twilight Zone.)
?: Mein Gott! The narrator is, like, totally impersonating Rod Serling!
(What on Earth are YOU doing here, Hasselhoff?)
David
Hasselhoff:
Hey, I’m
just
bringin’ a
new friend
back home!
*POOF!*Kool-Aid
Man
(repaired):
Wow. Thank
you,
sir!David
Hasselhoff:
Bah, it’s
nothing.
Say, wanna
get a
revenge on
those
meany
Mercs who
destroyed
ya?Kool-Aid
Man:
Of
course!David
Hasselhoff:
Good! And
now, jump
in my car!
(Yeah,
KITT just
appeared
next to
him. Don’t
ask me
how)David
Hasselhoff:
Let’s
hit the
road,
budday!(And as these two miscreants slowly disappear, all I can say now is goodbye to you, faithful readers.)
THE END
(Oh, and be careful when saying Kool-Aid. HE might destroy your wall. Bye!)