Worst.
Trap.
Ever.
Written
by Naoshi,
Magnus,
Shinobu
and
Iga
(Hunter and Iga went to think about the big boredom incident which occurred a week ago, so they set out to help make sure they wouldn't get that bored again. Stardust suggests they should get some more TVs, considering that there's only 1 in the entire base. They all leave Kayorei to guard the ship seeing as how she'd probably play DDR while the rest of the Mercs are gone.)
Stardust:
How about
that TV!?
*points at
a huge and
wide
one*
Falling
Star:
Can we fit
that in a
room?
Stardust:
Why
not just
have Iga
and the
Joes make
the room
bigger?
Falling
Star:
Iga is
capable of
doing
that?
Stardust:
Well, he's
supposed
to be as
smart as a
scientist
I
think.
Iga:
You and me
both know
that we
don't have
the money
to buy
that TV
and
rebuild
an entire
room.
Hunter:
Why not a
job?
Naoshi:
*crosses
arms and
then
sighs with
a
disapproved
look*
We're
mercenaries,
don't we
get paid
for doing
mission
requests?Iga:
Well, that
always
depends on
how often
we're
needed.Naoshi:
Well we
have the
money we
earned
from the
missions
now with
us, don't
we?Hunter:
Beats me.
Falling
Star's in
charge of
that.Falling
Star:
*nervous
chuckle*Naoshi:
...What?Stardust:
Hey,
where'd
Shinobu
go?
(They
all spot
Shinobu
drooling
over a
rather
large
TV)Stardust:
Oh,
nevermind...Naoshi:
*spots
another
TV* Woah!
Now THIS
is the TV
we
need!Stardust:
Holy crap!
Look at
this!
*points at
a sign*
It's even
got
built-in
online
capabilities!Naoshi:
It
supports
as many as
10 game
consoles
plug-ins!
No more
switching
plugs!!
Shinobu:
*excited*
IT EVEN
MAKES
COFFEE!!!
(It's
really a
large TV
with many
unique
functions...but
as soon as
Naoshi
spots the
price
tag...)Naoshi:
...Crap!Stardust:
What's the
problem?Hunter:
*looks at
the tag*
$50,000?!Stardust:
Oh
damn...Naoshi:
That's
pretty
expensive
for a TV!
But it's
worth
buying...but
we only
have
$145.23.Falling
Star:
Uh...it's
actually
$5.26
now.Hunter:
What do
you mean
$5.26
now?!Naoshi:
You
used our
money
didn't
you?Falling
Star:
*nervous
chuckle*Iga:
On what,
may I
ask?Falling
Star:
Oh
me? I
didn't
buy
anything!Stardust:
What was
that
package
that was
addressed
to you
that I had
to sign
off for
two days
ago?Falling
Star:
Come
on...It
was
only
about
$140!Naoshi:
Yeah, and
that is
A LOT you
wasted!Stardust:
Well, we
left
Kayorei
back at
the
base...Naoshi:
And?Stardust:
Why not
ask if any
new
missions
have come
up?
(Back
at the
base.)Naoshi:
Wanna bet
there's
not
gonna
be a
$50,000
reward
mission
and
instead a
$20-$40
reward
mission as
usual?Stardust:
*looks
around*
Hey,
Kayorei?
Any new
missions?
Crew
Joe:
Miss
Ballade
has
already
left on a
mission.All:
WHAT?!Crew
Joe:
Yes,
a mission
request
that was
specified
for Miss
Ballade
only was
received,
and she
promptly
left.Naoshi:
What's her
mission?Crew
Joe:
I do not
know, she
deleted
the
request
after
reading
it.Hunter:
StrangeIga:
It's as if
she's got
something
to
hideNaoshi:
*sighs*
Just what
we
need...Crew
Joe:
Although,
there IS
another
request,
except
this one
if for the
rest of
you. It
says the
reward is
$100,000.Naoshi:
...............Others:
$100,000?!Shinobu:
SCORE!Iga:
WE'LL TAKE
IT! What's
the
mission!?Crew
Joe:
It's
an
assault/escort.
You are to
assault
one of
Wily's old
fortresses,
now in use
by someone
else.
Retrieve
the
prisoner
from cell
#8637,
then
escort the
prisoner.Stardust:
Hmmm...Hunter:
Why do I
smell a
trap?Iga:
And who is
this
"someone
else"?Crew
Joe:
It is
unknown,
although
several
robots
have been
seen
entering
and
exiting.Naoshi:
What base
is
it?Crew
Joe:
According
to the
request,
Wily's
second
base.Naoshi:
Second
base?Crew
Joe:
The
second
skull
castleNaoshi:
The same
fortress
Wily built
for his
second
scheme?Crew
Joe:
Affimitive.
Naoshi:
The second
scheme
that
includes
Metal Man,
Air Man,
B-
Hunter:
*interrupts*
Yes,
Naoshi.
THAT
fortress.
(They
goto the
teleporter
pad and
teleport
to outside
of
the
fortress,
but close
to the
entrance.)Stardust:
Wow, this
place
looks
different.Shinobu:
Wasn't it
originally
painted
black,
blue, and
gray?Naoshi:
According
to the
documentary.Iga:
I remember
that
documentary,
put me
right to
sleep in
no time at
all.
(They
walk
towards
the tower
that leads
to the
entrance
of the
once
abandoned
castle.
However,
before
getting to
the tower,
the Mercs
hid behind
a boulder
and Naoshi
takes a
peak of
what's
ahead.)Naoshi:
I see a
whole
bunch of
Sniper
Joes on
the
horizon...guarding
the
tower!Shinobu:
Pfft.
Joes?
Exactly
why should
we be
worried?Naoshi:
*points at
the huge
army of
them* What
do you
think,
genius?Falling
Star:
And
they're....Hunter:
Red...?Naoshi:
I have a
plan.
Shinobu,
you roll
up into a
ball and
you
roll/cut
through
the armies
of joes as
a
distraction.
I jump
into the
crowd with
my mirror
buster
attack.
They will
be
distracted
by me and
try to
attack and
then
everyone
else will
jump right
in and
attack
EVERY joe
in the
way, and
then we
storm to
the
tower!
Iga:
Wow. That
was a
mouthful!
Shinobu:
I love my
job.Naoshi:
Okay on a
count of
3...2...1...GO!Shinobu:
*curls up
and
barrels
through
the joes,
the first
impact
sounding
like a
bowling
ball
hitting
the
pins*
Joes:
ALERT!
ALER-*crunched*Shinobu:
EXTREME
JOE-BOWLING!Naoshi:
*jumps in
into gap*
Alright!Joes:
Enemy
targeted.
*the
surrounding
Joes
shoots
Naoshi*Naoshi:
*raises
his
spear up
and the
projecticles
gets
absorbed
into the
spear* NOW
GUYS!!Falling
Star:
*blasts
water at
the
joes*Stardust:
*charges
forward
and leaps
over
Naoshi,
then lands
with a
very lound
'KRAKA-BOOM!'
onto about
20
joes*Hunter:
*drill
punches
through
dozens of
Joes*Iga:
*dives
into the
fray,
swinging
his staff
around at
the Joe
army*Naoshi:
*lets out
a huge
charged up
shot
towards to
a
row of
joes*Shinobu:
*bowling
for joes,
and quite
effectively
as they're
running at
him when
he
nears*Naoshi:
*spear
dashes
through
another
row*Stardust:
*launches
several
mini-twisters
at the
joes,
sucking
them
up*
(20
minutes
later...)Joe:
*is the
only Joe
left after
the
fighting,
and is
surrounded
by the
Mercs* I
S-S-S-SURRENDER!Hunter:
Good! Now
lead
us the way
to the
tower.Joe:
Y-yessir!
Right
away!All:
*follow*Joe:
Here you
are,
sirs.
(The
Mercs
enters the
tower and
looks
above only
to see
million of
ladders)Naoshi:
That's
alot of
ladders to
climb...
(Later,
the
mercenaries
reaches to
the top of
the
tower by
climbing
million of
ladders)Naoshi:
Oh
god...that
was a long
way
up.Shinobu:
I still
think I
should
have just
busted
through
the
walls....Hunter:
For once,
I
agree.Naoshi:
...Why
didn't you
told us
that
idea?!Shinobu:
I tried
telling
you, but
you
wouldn't
listen,
Naoshi!Naoshi:
Maybe if
Falling
Star were
to shut
his trap
and stop
whining
for a
minute
then maybe
I would
have heard
you.Joe:
Well
sirs,
here we
are.Iga:
Thanks,
but I have
a question
for you.
Who are
you
working
f-*a giant
buster
shot flies
through
the air
and goes
straight
through
the Joe's
head*Naoshi:
*sees the
Joe's
head* Oh
crap...Shinobu:
I hate
Tuesdays.
???:
WHO'S
THERE?!Hunter:
Hey, I
know
that
voice...Naoshi:
We're the
Seven
Mercenaries.
We've got
a
100,000
dollar
mission to
do while
finding
out
what's
going on
here.Shinobu:
If you say
Mega Man,
I'm GOING
to have a
psychotic
episode....Hunter:
Uh,
Shinobu,
aside from
Bass, who
ELSE has a
buster
that can
do that to
a
Joe?
???:
The Seven
Mercenaries?
* a figure
steps out
from
behind the
wall*Shinobu:
#&^%(*^*TY&%$(&*)^(!!!!!!!!!!Hunter:
Mega Man.
I was
honestly
wondering
when we'd
bump into
you.Naoshi:
What the
hell?!
Mega Man?!
Of ALL
people
MEGA
MAN?!
Mega
Man:
The Mega
Man
Hunters
and
Genesis
Unit?
Hunter:
Oh, we're
not the
original
killers.
We're the
'new'
models.
We're
the 7
Mercenaries.
Mega
Man:
Hey,
as long as
you're not
Wily's
minions, I
couldn't
care
less.Shinobu:
*is
babbling
incoherently
like an
idiot*Falling
Star:
Actually,
we were,
but until
we looted
a base
from Wily
and
ditched
him.Mega
Man:
Okay
then...Naoshi:
What are
you doing
here
anyways?!Mega
Man:
Probably
the same
reason you
guys are.
Dr. Light
detected a
distress
signal
coming
from this
place.Stardust:
Distress
Signal?
We're here
on a
mission to
rescue
someone.....Naoshi:
Rescue?!Hunter:
Were you
not paying
attention
when the
Joe told
us the
mission,
Naoshi?Naoshi:
Of course
I
did. (...I
think)Mega
Man:
Naoshi?
Oh, dear
lord,
please
tell me
he's not
related to
Metal
Man...Naoshi:
*readies
his spear*
Want to
say that
again?
Because I
am NOT
related to
that Metal
Moron! I
should NOT
be
insulted
like
that!Hunter:
Yeah, so
please try
not to
mention
the master
of
self-killing
around
him.
*quietly*
He
also has a
bit of a
temper.Mega
Man:
Okay...
Sorry
about
that.Hunter:
This
still
strikes me
as
odd.Shinobu:
How
so?Hunter:
Well,
first
Kayorei
runs of by
herself,
then we
bump into
the most
famous
Light Bot
in
existence?
If this
doesn't
scream
'TRAP' I
don't know
WHAT
does.Falling
Star:
Good
point.Naoshi:
But why
Kayorei?Stardust:
Well, the
Joe said
there was
a mission
that asked
for JUST
her.....Naoshi:
I mean
why
Kayorei?Iga:
Oh
no...Guys,
I think I
just
figured
out what's
going
on...
*points at
an
obviously
made by a
ballade
cracker
scorch
mark*
Kayorei's
the
captive.Naoshi:
Wait a
minute.....Stardust:
And she's
probably
pissed.Mega
Man:
Well,
it's most
likely not
Wily. He'd
bait you
all at
once.Shinobu:
I can't
wait to
see how
badly this
place goes
up in
smoke once
we bust
Kayorei
out of the
cell...Stardust:
Ditto
that.Hunter:
You two
scare me
sometimes.Mega
Man:
Alright,
so your
friend's
been
captured,
and is
probably
about 3
steps away
from
blowing us
all to
kingdom
come from
what
you're
saying.....Hunter:
Pretty
much.Naoshi:
Kayorei
gets
angry?
That's
something
new..Falling
Star:
You know
how much
she has
complained
about not
wanting to
be the
'damsel in
distress'.
What's to
stop her
from going
off the
deep end
and
killing us
all?!Naoshi:
...Still
something
new!Shinobu:
*sighs*
Less talk
more
action.Mega
Man:
*looks at
a
ventilation
shaft at
their
feet*
Oh, I
think I
found a
shortcut....Naoshi:
Great.
Lead the
way.Mega
Man:
*yanks the
grate off
the vent,
then
motions
for the
rest to
hop
down*Shinobu:
Uh, how
exactly do
Stardust
and I are
going to
fit
in
this?Mega
Man:
Simple.
You go
bowling
ball and
bust your
way
down.Shinobu:
Works for
me.Naoshi:
Stardust
can just
stay
here.
Incase
there's
anyone
going down
the vent
after
us. Who
knows
what's
going to
happen?Stardust:
Gah, fine.
*grumble
grumble*
(They
went down
the
vent)Mega
Man:
*land
with a
dull thud,
then move
out from
under the
vent
before the
Mercs
lands on
him*Naoshi:
What room
is this?
Mega Man,
you've
been in
the
fortress
before.Mega
Man:
Lesse...*checks
a holo-map
in his
HUD*Mega
Man:
Uh,
looks like
we're
about 3
yards away
from the
kitchen.
And the
prison
cells are
about
another 10
ft away
from
there.
This
is one of
those days
I'm glad
Dr. Light
doesn't
throw away
Master
Weapons.
*switches
to the
familiar
Hyper
Bomb, aim
the Mega
Buster
towards
the
kitchen*Naoshi:
I
say we
just dash
our way
through
and
attacking
anything
in our
way.Falling
Star:
Are
you sure
that's a
good
idea?Mega
Man:
Pfft,
how do you
think I
survive
all those
areas
before the
Master
Rooms?Hunter:
Odd, you
used to
strike me
as more
the
pacifist
type.Mega
Man: I
get
that a
lot.
*throws a
hyper bomb
into the
kitchen*
(A
loud
explosion
is
heard)Naoshi:
Eh...we're
attacking
a
kitchen...?Mega
Man:
Hey,
who's to
say that
whoever
did this
isn't
making a
sandwich?
(Several
Bubble
Bats burst
out of the
kitchen in
a
frenzy)Naoshi:
Ack!
*Blasts
the bubble
bats*Mega
Man:
*tosses up
a small
hyper bomb
at the
bats but
misses and
hits a
mysterious
figure*
???:
OW! MY
KNEE
CAPS!Naoshi:
Who said
that?!Mega
Man:
Dunno, but
it sounds
like
they're in
extreme
pain.
???:
OH
$%#&!
MEGAMAN!
*loud
footsteps
of someone
fleeing
are
heard*Naoshi:
After
him!Mega
Man:
*switches
to Spark
Chaser and
fires it,
and it
streaks
FAR ahead
of the
ground,
then
shouts of
pain are
heard*Iga:
*catches
up just
close
enough to
him and
trips the
mysterious
man with
his
staff*
???:
Gah!
*trips*
MAKE IT
STOP! *is
still
getting
hit with
the Spark
Chaser*Naoshi:
Mega Man!
Do you
even know
who you
might be
harming?!
He could
be a human
you
know!Mega
Man:
Hey,
I only
shot him
once!
(Naoshi
walks to
the fallen
person)Naoshi:
Is
that...?Hunter:
Oh, please
tell me
it's not
him.....Naoshi:
Damn
it...it's
David
Hasselhoff!
David
Hasselhoff:
Damn right
it's me!
I've got
some
unfinished
business
with
Kayorei
that needs
to be
taken care
of.Naoshi:
Still
wanting
revenge?
Sheesh,
get over
it.Mega
Man:
Can
I
PLEASE
shoot him
now?Naoshi:
Mega Man,
you aren't
allowed to
kill a
human!
Remember
that?!Mega
Man:
Dr. Light
made an
exception
with David
Hasselhoff.
(All
of the
sudden
Ballade
Crackers
blasts
through a
wall)Naoshi:
Oh
shit!
Kayorei:
*eyes
glows
red*Hunter:
Mega, step
back.Naoshi:
Uh
oh...she's
pissedMega
Man:
He's
all yours.
*dashes
behind
Naoshi*Hunter:
RUN!Kayorei:
*spots
David with
a very
threatening
look*
.............David
Hasselhoff:
Oh
crap...Shinobu:
Naoshi!
GET THE
POPCORN!Naoshi:
Mega Man
blew up
the
kitchen,
remember?Shinobu:
*has a bag
of
popcorn*
Not the
microwave...Mega
Man:
Score, can
I have
some?Shinobu:
Sure.
*Mega Man
takes some
popcorn*Kayorei:
*demonic
glow*David
Hasselhoff:
Mommy...Naoshi:
This is
GONNA be
good!
<insert
violent
scene of
Kayorei
ripping
David
Hasselhoff
a new
one>David
Hasselhoff:
AUGH! NO!
Not my
beautiful
face!
*gets
beaten
in the
skull with
a
pipe*Mega
Man:
That's
awesome!Hunter:
*is
holding a
video
camera*
And I got
it on
tape!David
Hasselhoff:
HELP! GAH
MY
SPLEEN
(Blood
splats on
everyone)David
Hasselhoff:
*is
severly
killed*Naoshi:
*shaken
up*
...I...I...I...have
never
seen that
side of
Kayorei...Kayorei:
*faints
from
exhaustion*Falling
Star:
Think we
can use
this tape
as
blackmail?Hunter:
I like
living too
much to
blackmail
her with
it.Naoshi:
Well...That...I
think...this
is...*vomits*
Mega
Man:
*shrugs*
Shinobu:
*pokes
Hasselhoff*
Yeah, he
is pretty
deadIga:
Hell hath
no fury
like a
woman
scorned...Hunter:
...Let's
head back
to the
HQ...Mega
Man:
Well,
hang on.
*points at
a
safe*Naoshi:
Oh right!
The
money!Mega
Man:
You
guys
mentioned
you were
getting a
reward,
right?Naoshi:
Yeah!
100,000
dollars!Mega
Man:
*blows
open the
safe he
just
found*
It's
the least
I can do
for you
guys.Naoshi:
...I just
realized
something.
How DID
you pass
those red
joes we
had to
face? You
were
obviously
ahead
of us when
we got to
the
entrance.Mega
Man:
Simple.
*takes out
Item 2; a
rocket
jet* Rush
Jet was
too
slow. And
I didn't
want to
deal with
the Sniper
Joes.Naoshi:
...Yeahhh.
Let's go
home.
(The
Mercs
(including
the
fainted
Kayorei)
teleports
to their
base while
Mega Man
teleports
back to
Light's
Lab)David
Hasselhoff:
...*leg
twitches
and gets
up* I
LIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
MUAHAHAHA!!!!
*walks out
of the
fortress
as if he
was
perfectly
healed...somehow*
(As
he enters
outside,
there's a
bunch of
police
cars and
helicopters
surrounding
him.)
Policebot:
You're
under
arrest!David
Hasselhoff:
****!
(An
hour
later,
back at
the shop
the Mercs
were in
earlier
this
epilogue.)Naoshi:
Can't wait
to buy
that
TV!
(He
notices
the
tag)Iga:
What
the...?Naoshi:
IT'S SOLD
OUT!!!Stardust:
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Naoshi:
MUST...KILLL....Falling
Star:
HURRY! GET
THE
TRANQUILIZERSShinobu:
*snatches
from some
shelf and
gives them
to
FS*Falling
Star:
*shoots
Naoshi
with the
tranquilizer*
Done!
Naoshi:
WA-*gets
hit with a
few of
tranquilizers*...zzZzz...
Hunter:
*looks
over the
sign that
say's sold
out* Oh,
wait, this
is the
wrong TV.
*points at
the
$50,000
one they
wanted*
They still
have one
in
stock.Stardust:
*is
already at
the
register
paying for
it*
Yay!
Shinobu:
...Am I
the only
one who
notices
we're not
in our
human
forms in a
public
place?
Hunter:
...
Shinobu:
...
Hunter:
...
Shinobu:
...
Hunter:
*spots a
bunch of
scared
civilians*
Oh...Now
that I
think
about
it..how
are we
getting
mission
requests
in the
first
place?
Shinobu:
...Good
question.
Iga:
...Well,
Kayorei
DID got
rid of
David
Hasselhoff
in public,
so I guess
we do have
a bit of a
reputation,
right?Hunter:
*chuckles*
I guess
that
pretty
much
answers it
then!THE
END